Clarity

As the dawn approaches I perceive life,
my life with such clarity;
I see how my heart was broken but now can mend;
I see how my spirit was infected but now is cured;
I see how my soul was crippled and empty but now can heal and feel whole.

I thought I was the one confused
but it’s the world in which I live in that is distorted.
I now realize I was not full of doubt
but it was those living in my surroundings that doubted me;
I now recognize what true love is, the right love since
I have lived thru the wrong type of love.

I now face my fears and need to no longer avoid my emotions.
I will no longer be scared to open my heart and
have those who dare to look into my eyes and see my soul.
I will no longer close myself out from the thought of love,
I will no longer dwell on the fact of living in the past
and still feel my pain of failure and loss.

I now have set myself free,
moved myself from behind that wall that I hid behind for so long--
I will no longer be a victim to a sad story
but be the heroine of my life
that shall at any moment be filled with laughter and love.

The 30 something year old student

So I will start off by saying and recognizing that I am very well aware of me not being the first to go back to school and engaging in a career change but this blog is about me so, I am that 30 something year old student and just survived my first week and all I have to say is "Holy Shit!"

Being a single mom, recently laid off, still waiting on child support and going back to school is a formula for "crazy" right now.. lol.. You would think I like crazy but crazy just finds me. I'm excited about this career change but at the same time scared. I question my actions and wonder if I am doing the right thing. I question whether what I am doing will pay off in the long run b/c at the end of the day, my actions just don't affect me but affect my children and our future. Will I survive for the next year without working to go back to school? Will I end up striving in my new career choices? Will I have time for "me" after the week is over? Will my mothering be affected through this all?

So many questions, so many doubts and so little answers. My friends think I am strong and ambitious for what I am doing; I look in the mirror and see doubt and fear but I leaped, I jumped and I took the road less traveled by and hope my fate will lead me in the right direction, to the right answers and maybe a little happiness and good at the end of the rainbow.